Bullshit Police Arrests The Revlon Grow Luscious Mascara

Thursday, 14 October 2010


This is a new series of posts I am introducing as most of you (67%) seem not to mind having bullshit posts every day (I mean really guys?  I am touched!  Thank you!)

The thing is - everyday is a lot of posts - but since I would like very much to accommodate you (even halfway is good), I am introducing these bullshit police posts with a chance of guest blogging- which i will give proper credit to - of course (perhaps i will make some guidelines laters but let us play it by ear and make it up as we go along).

It basically goes this way, you find a real product out there and you try to detect the bullshit that said product gives you.  It is a good exercise for you to hone your bullshit radar.

I will start with this product here, next time I will be happy to have your submission/guest postings in which we can all chirp in to comment.

So without further ado, here is the first arrest made by the Bullshit Police.

I want you to put your guard down and look at the picture below as if you were just flipping through it in a magazine.   
Do not read so much the details just a sweeping glance really.  So just 1-3 seconds should be just right. 



Then cover the picture and tell me 3 adjectives that you can say about this ad.  

There is no wrong or right answer.  So just answer without thinking really.

Don't overthink- just say what comes instantly to mind.   


Done yet?  
If not do not read on until you have done so.  









Okay, now I want you to look at the image below for just 2-3 seconds.



Same thing, tell me your first impression.

Okay so, we will leave that part for now and will get back to that later.

***





Now, this is what I will do- I will look into the fine lines and dissect what you just saw.




Woh-oh! Whoever did this didn't hold back on the bullshit ammunition!


THE PRODUCT NAME


This name is the master work of art of a true bullshit weasel.  
When you see it- you will think that the mascara will make your lashes grow.  I mean just look at the lashes sprouting out of the word GROW there!  
But then again, she added luscious which means- it will turn it luscious and not make it longer and luscious at the same time.
BUT, then notice how she made the  fonts used for GROW and luscious  different so that you are mislead that GROW is not a verb used for luscious but a different quality that you can expect from the mascara itself.
Wow! Pure bullshit gold!  I am peeing in my pants with bullshit envy.

THE PROOF



96% saw instant longer, lusher lashes 

  • Ok, key word is "saw instantly". Whether the difference is big or not, so long as there is a difference, even if they are not satisfied, then that is counted as positive and will belong to the 96% . It suffices that you see a difference.  And of course you will see it instantly- you just applied the freaking mascara eh?!
  • And let me see, only 4% didn't see a difference. If I may guess, that 4% is one person, meaning they have a batch size of 25 women (50 tops). And they chose at least one with bad lashes so that it will not appear too rigged.
  • As well, use of instant longer on the study and with the word grow on the product name makes you believe that it is proven to make your lashes grow. If you dissect the phrase, they have a good defense that they do not claim lash growth- you just understood it that way- so, do not think you will make money on suing them for false claims- they will just argue that you are stupid.
  • they did not mention that the study is independent. So that could mean it was tested by their own paid people 
  • and can somebody tell me, why the f*ck, in this internet age- do we not have a link on the study and that it is on file?  
Now, let us analyze THE CLAIMS:


  1. Lash enhancing formula complements the natural growth cycle of your lashes, improving their overall appearance with each use
  • It complements natural growth rate.  What the fuck is that? It doesn't promote growth, it just complements it- like how- like if you would wash your lashes with water or expose it to air- tell me what would not complement thelash's natural growth cycle?   
  • What it has is perhaps some ingredient that conditions lashes (which could be same ingredient used in shampoos as lashes are hair as well)
    2.   Get lashes that look instantly longer and lusher and will also grow stronger day after day
  • it looks instantly longer and makes it grow stronger.  It doesn't make your lashes grow.  It perhaps has just some extending resin that washes off, wears off in time 
  •  Note the use of these two claims one after another- on purpose (these should have been two separate bullet points if you do not want confusion!)  It is easy to confuse it to make lashes grow longer day after day.
     3.  Oversized lash-extending brush
Ho hum! Nothing new. 
Ok, here, the bullshit weasel got lazy!  Come on!  You can do better than this!   
Heck!  The trainee of my trainee can do better than this!
     4.  Ophthalmologist tested
Tested on what?  
This could just mean that an opthalmologist tried the mascara and it didn't say on what she is testing on.  This ophthalmologist tested doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the study above.   
The opthalmologist could have just put the wand under her armpit to see if she has a fever- and that is ophthalmological testing- hah!
You know all these independent organizations that are verifying the authenticity of the organic origin, fair market source of your products?  


I think they can have good business doing the same verifying validity of these tests.  This could be a good business model that I can branch through really.  Anyone interested to join me, send me your CV - haha!

So, bullshit rate is on a high of 9/10 (-1 for sloppy brush description)

So there you have it- the mascara might/might not be great but these devious little bullshit weasels just need to stoop so low to mislead you that it will make your lashes grow.

Now, for the subliminal part.   Would you please write down your honest answers first time around (no changing!) on the comments.  I will give you more explanations on the next few posts!

Well, was that fun?  Who wants to be  bullshit police next? 

Shall you try it with  the Volume Million Lashes Mascara?  
That is another Bullshit Goldmine!