Cruelty Free MakeUp- yeah right!

Monday, 17 January 2011


(Author's Note:  Because of some violence in this post, this is highly recommended PMS reading)

First of all, i will tell you what you will not get from this post.

This post will not promote nor  criticize those that support animal rights at whatever cost.
If them guys prefer to go naked  for their cause - i say we let them.
This "strip" is nicked from Dilbert.  
If they feel so much love for animals that they are willing to assault a rich bitch wearing mink- i say they should be free to do so!  
If they do that to me, I also am free to take off my stilettos, run the hell after them (and i promise i will catch them, i used to be a damn good sprinter and i have been spinning like hell lately) and shove my mink up their arse.  While I am at it, I will pull out a hair sample, give it to my witch doctor who will cast a spell that will make their skin burst with boils and worms that cannot be cured because not enough animals have been tested to find a cure.   
They are free to ask me to change my blog name to"Beauty and the Humanshit" to be fair to bulls who are being blamed for what is really manmade shit - in fact, that request actually makes sense.    But I also have the right to politely respond- "F*ck off and mind your own shit, biatch".
Democracy rocks.  Or is that anarchy- gawd, i always get confused with the two.
This post will not take the position of which is more important, humans or animals.
I think this question is personal and no amount of other people's opinion will determine which is more important to each individual.
For example, if I get AIDS and you ask me, Rowena, we have to torture your beloved dog Barney* to save you.  I would choose to die.  However, if that is my mother in question (though i do not think that is possible, as she is a born again virgin), I will perhaps insist they test on me instead of Barney but my mom will not allow that.   
Unfortunately for Barney, because he cannot talk, he will not have a say on the matter.  Yes, life is unfair - animals should be able to talk, really.
If you say, i will not go to heaven if i eat pork barbecue because pigs are actually angels from heaven.  I will say, "Well hello Satan!  Do I have a heavenly pork barbecue recipe to share with you! "
So that out of the way, let us go to something actually related to this blog-

The Bullshit on No Animal Testing for Beauty.

I see that most tend to have strong opinion on this.   Thank you for taking the time to answer the poll.
172 voted and survey said :
  • 20 or 11% PRO animal testing for cosmetics and medicine purposes
  • 89 or 61% pro testing for medicine only
  • 63 or 36% are ANTI  animal testing.
  • Jessica and countless others do not really care and they were not counted- because some senile blogger forgot to put "don't really care" in the poll.   
And gawd, I have the most utmost respect for your opinion- whether you are pro or anti - really.

BUT- this is what i feel strongly on-

If you were to take a strong position pro or anti animal testing, you better be sure you are basing your opinion on solid facts, not hearsay, not propaganda, not staged videos, not hasty baseless generalizations and that before passion takes over (and i do think that passion is a good thing), that your mind has processed the facts first.

To give you the facts- I went to great lengths.

First, I went to the anti-animal testing camp.
And man, these people are real MARKETEERS.  Their site is non-stop entertainment!
There were celebrities, naked celebrities, fancy awards night, lots of nudity, scandal, violence and gore!  Name all the marketeering tactics in the book, and they have exploited it!  
But then, let us not take it against them that they know how to market.  (haha! yeah right!)

Then I went to the pro-animal testing camp.
Ah, the scientists!  Instantly, I regret having committed to writing this article.  These boys are boring.  I actually had to read!  It would have helped if some chemists were cute- but no luck in this department either, just a handful of dorky nobel prize winners and pure logic- what use does a girl have for that.   
If ever they asked me to market them, the first thing i will do is a geek sexy calendar to help their image, probably shirtless while raising a test tube that has the cure for polio (i might have to outsource talent- but heck, what is a little marketing in the name of science).  But, I digress.
But I will not take their boring arguments against them either.

The funny thing I noticed though is that Pamela Sue Anderson took her clothes off to protest anti animal testing, then took her clothes off again to support finding a cure for AIDS.

That is - pardon the pun- milking both sides of the issue.

But oopsie- seems that Pamela is not the only guilty pair of boobies here.


The hard facts:

1. We want to be pretty and demand that we be safe in our quest for beauty.
Oh, yes we do- no ifs, buts about it. 
2. Cosmetic Regulators, tasked by politicians to keep voters/consumers happy – will in turn require companies selling products for animal testing to prove safety.
No proof, no permit. Simple as that. Forget all this conspiracy theory shit. (for now at least). 
Good news is, tests only have to be done on an ingredient once. That is already one great heave of relief. 
3. With existing ingredients already tested safe and some testing alternatives found for minor applications, regulations can afford to prohibit further animal testing for cosmetic purposes - to rid our guilt for those poor animals who didn’t give their consent just so we can be safe and pretty.
Now, the natural goodness brands lurv this! 
It will embrace this “no animal testing” ban to the hilt and announce themselves “cruelty free” to endear themselves more to consumers. 
Such a good marketing advantage against the scientific brands! And it doesn’t cost much too- just need to draw a cute little rabbit and stick it on the label.
And yes, for the record, they are already sitting on a wealth of animal tested ingredients as they draw that cute little bunny. 

4. But for “innovation driven” brands, this regulation is sort of - pardon my french - a real f*cker.
You see, for new ingredients and real breakthrough innovations, animal testing is still needed. But heck, they only allow this  for medicine and not for cosmetics. 
Hmmm…. What will L’Ucifer do? Let me put myself in L’Ucifer’s shoes… 
  • Maybe, I can contract the testing in the 3rd world.   Nope, that is not allowed by the EC as well. Gaah… note to self, try to secretly oppose this "no animal testing" bullshit. 
  • Or maybe, I can test on consenting humans from the third world.  Gawd, still too expensive as I still have to pay angry relatives if I accidentally kill them. And they have too many relatives, killing all of them can be messy. 
  • Or maybe, I can declare that testing is for medicine but then in fact use the result for cosmetics, like what happens for Botox. Hmm… Not a very elegant solution, lots of red tape and grease money but perhaps worth a try… 
So what will L’Ucifer do? 
Fortunately, for L'Ucifer there is always marketing to save the day! 
This strip is nicked from Scott Adams of Dilbert.
Because I couldn't have said it better than he did!


*This blog post is dedicated to the memory of my dog Barney. He loved pork barbecue as much as i do. 

NB
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