My Top 7 Tactic To make you Buy More Makeup

Wednesday, 1 June 2011
(photo nicked from
Author’s Note : 
This post is male-friendly.

To those new to this blog, this is a countdown of the top 10 tactics I employ to make you buy more cosmetics. 
You can read the top 10 here, top 9 here, top 8 here

If you can’t blind them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

- Ancient Marketing Adage

There are times when there is an ambition to earn much more than a crappy product merits.

In these times, no ordinary bullshit can do the job. 

It is the time when marketeers rise to the challenge, raise their sleeves, quit fooling around with petty bullshit and tie-up with the world’s oldest profession to unleash what could be one of the most potent artillery in the history of marketing- 

Top 7 Tactic : Blind with Brilliance. 

Now, now... before you think that there may be intelligent life lurking in marketing, let me stop and tell you that by “Brilliance”,  I do not mean Albert Einstein, but rather Lady Gaga

Yes, we hire a celebrity, a star so mindblindingly bright - that you temporarily lose your capacity for logic and any mindfartery* we emit will seem like the special theory of relativity. 

To expound, best to give you examples. 

Let me use the explanation of Christopher Walken in a scene from the movie Catch Me if You Can

Still not clear? 

See this video of Angelia Jolie campaigning about … er, something. Can’t remember what she said but gawd, her lips! 

Now, practical application in cosmetics. Take a look at this. 

Become A Lash Millionaire? WTF is the copywriter sniffing? 

But, wait, let us now factor in La Longoria … 

and Voila! 
Yes, me want millionaire lash become now! 


Exhibit 2. 

Haute Nutrition? Again, what in the name of french merde is that?
For all I know, that could be serum derived from whale testicles.

Now, look again-

It's Sharon Fucking Stone!
135$?  Here take all my money!


Ok, we know that you know that we bribe and we bind by contract these celebs to like our products - much like how prostitution works.

But in spite of this open understanding, this tactic remains potent - why?

You see, time and again, research shows that when you see celebrities used in advertising,  these are your thoughts:
  1.  that company is so confident of its products that it is wiling to invest in an expensive celebrity to spread the word 
  2.  that celebrities are careful about their image and thus will not accept to endorse any product that will cause to tarnish their image 

The truth is this-
  1.  Investment in celebrity is not a function of belief in product greatness but rather ambition of the sales it can rake in. Just look- you will often find celebrity endorsement in lipstick, mascara, foundation (the 3 biggest product sellers in makeup), anti aging creams, hair dyes.
     In countries where hair products rake in big sales, you will find celebrity endorsement in shampoo.
     Where there is big money- there is celebrity endorsement.
    The greater the moolah, the bigger the kahuna.
  2.  Aside from embarrassing products as athlete’s foot powder, vaginal itch cream, denture glue, adult diapers … (I can go on and on but you get the idea…)- celebrities will endorse anything and endorsement goes to the highest bidder. It is all about the money. 


Celebrities, those are - actresses, models, singers, TV personalities, athletes are our obvious partners but those who “touch” celebrities also have the ability to reflect celebrity mind-blinding brilliance.

Think make up artists, hairdressers and stylists.

So long as they can name drop celebrities, they can inspire celebrity awe.

On this subject, I find that the true talented artists are professional and are pleasurable to work with. But the newbies, the amateurs, the parvenus are often such pains in the arse. The less talent they have, the more divaesque they act. I would name names, but they would be no one of recognition.

Professional Prostitues

Now, celebrities being paid product prostitutes I would understand.

After all, that is their craft- to fake it so well that they’re beyond fake (to quote Courtney Love). As consumers, we know that faking it is what they do for a living.

What makes my blood boil is when supposed “professionals” of the medical profession partake in the endorsement game.

This is what I am talking about:
  • Dentists endorsing a brand of toothbrush/toothpaste/mouthwash (ok so dentists are quasi-doctors, but you get my drift) 
  • Dental associations giving their seal of approval to the highest bidder (this is soooo corrupt and big money goes to association officers) 
  • “Celebrity” dermatologists acting as spokespersons for any brand 
  • Any professional acting as spokesperson for a company’s germ, disease scare tactic 
Consumers pay these so called professionals for an unbiased opinion - so when instead you hear a scare campaign to to promote a product – I say basta!

Shame, shame, shame on you professional prostitutes!

Now, you might defend them by saying that they are presenting a valid medical concern.

Well in medicine, you will find that for every professional opinion, there is always another medical professional that can present a contrary opinion with equally convincing studies.
If you have watched any of these tv series on lawyers, you will see how goes the drill.

And why else do you often ask for a second opinion on serious medical diagnosis?

“Unbiased Journalists”

On the international level, I believe that journalistic bias is not so much on companies or products but rather on countries. (You wouldn’t expect CNN to give an arab point of view against the US, would you?)

But if you go on the local level, these journalists could be so damn dirty with product endorsements!
  • Magazine covers are for sale for the companies celebity endorsers (well, this is true for international magazines as well) 
  • Whole segments of “documentaries” are produced on contamination then followed by a soap commercial 
  • Supposed neutral documentaries, testimonials on products – skin care, slimming integrated in content with purchase of commercials 
and please feel free to add examples from your own experience...

I say that, yes, media has the right to earn money to sustain its operations. But they must present advertising as such and content as another. If content is paid in any form or manner – the journalist has the obligation to state so. (Well, thing is, in the ideal world, this shouldn't happen but does)

You say that these goodie bags, fees, gifts, fancy event invitations do not affect a writer’s opinion? Whatever.

State the facts.
And leave the readers decide if your opinion was indeed unbiased or not.
And if you received an all-expense paid luxury vacation, disproportionate amount of compensation and expensive goodie bags - chances are, you were not.


A post script on product samples.

I know that beauty bloggers are constantly bombarded by product samples.
And most bloggers state that these do not affect their opinion.

I say that these samples are peanuts to cosmetic companies and yes, it should not affect blogger's opinions nor should they be indebted to give a good critique or to give a critique at all. 

It could be dang expensive to buy all products to review and this will facilitate the task of the blogger.

On the other hand, bloggers should return samples if no longer needed and have the right to ask PR companies for a means to return the samples without financial burden on the blogger's part so as to absolve the blogger the "obligation" for a positive product review.

Blogger fell in love with product and want to keep the sample?  State it then.

But receiving anymore than samples and blogger will be treading on murky waters and requires complete transparency to the readers.

Bloggers have the potential to make a dent in the universe - but we must remain vigilant on practices lest we will go the way of classical corrupt media.

And if a beauty company's PR company pressures bloggers for a review just because they gave out these dinghy samples, why- you can blog about how pushy these PR companies are!

*yes, mindfartery, mindfart, mindflatulence deserve to be valid words. Origin: marketing